Like a fish out of water...or more like a water out of fish

I've been here in London for five days...yet, I still feel out of place. Every night I've been sleeping in a room full of five other girls but ironically...I'm lonely. I can't believe I'm writing this in a globally public place, but yes...I feel by myself in many ways right now. This is the first time that I've been so disconnected from that which is familiar in terms of personal connections. I have to start from scratch here. I've moved to a few places: LA, HK...yet, I've always at least semi-known a few people, it was always easy to make friends, and I actually wanted to make friends.

I feel as out of place as this Smart Car does. Watching it parallel was impressive. Quite like a circus...














Hyde Park, a savior to my sanity














Yes...I'm going through a bit of reverse culture shock and it's affecting my British experience. I was semi-excited to come to London. Though if I did more research I'm sure I'd be ecstatic. Everything here is so similar to what I'm used to in the States: English speaking, sitting toilets, an understanding of what's in my food...easy. Yet, it's so dissimilar to what I'm used to now that I've been away for so long: rarely accurate communication, being targeted as a foriegner, nasty puddles...hard. I can't handle this "easy" situation. My attitude is blinding me to the character that the burroughs of London teems with.

Here in London I fit right in. Ironically, this makes me feel out of place. There are other people taller than me again. Not only guys...women too. You get used to having a certain angle of viewing the world...and then it changes by who is around you. Some people are even fatter than me; there are obese people again...how odd. I no longer get stared and pointed at. In Asia there are hordes of men and women. China alone has 1.32185888 billion people. When I was there I felt a sense of individual worthlessness. There were so many people who all seemed the same to my ignorant self: features, mannerisms, knowledge etc. And I thought, what does one life mean? It seems so insignificant. Look, they're all same same. (Sorry if I use the Asian mantra "same same but different" incessantly). Yet I felt different because of this; I felt foriegn. They gawked and pointed. That made me feel special...even if it was in a "what's wrong with her?" way. Now, however, no one cares about me, even in that superficial she-looks-funny point of view. So it goes...same same makes me feel different.

I checked into the internship program a few days ago. I am in a sea of Americans (not like I wasn't in Hong Kong...). But they feel American. Though what does that mean, really? All I can say is that during orientation I saw a sea of fake Los Angeles highlights and was like, oh...

Another thing that hits hard is that costs are exhorbant. Too bad eating lots of good food is often the highlight of my travels because food has been subpar. Even the dirty, sketchily cheap foods that I've had within Asia have been better and fresher than this. I don't waste. Yet, I've had to here even though it costs me my left arm to buy food. That's got to say something. Hao chan...(poor Crystal)

Currency Conversion and Examples of my Pain:
1£=$2=15RMB/HKD ; 1,000HKD=£61

One night dorm at a hostel (£20) could buy me almost two week's stay in Kunming (25 RMB).

What I can get with a bottle of water in London (0.80 £) could get me 16 in China (0.80 RMB). (However...I will beat the system as I now refill my Evian bottle with tap which isn't diharrea-causing.)

1 plate of Pad Thai here (£6) could get me 18 in Bangkok (20 Baht).

1 umbrella here (£13) could buy me 20 on Mongkok (10HKD)...though maybe they'd actually work.

However, don't cry for me. I love a good challenge. I have confidence that I can go cheap cheap anywhere. I've been buying Reduced for Quick Sale! items and have gone semi-vegetarian. And some items are actually cheaper i.e. museli and dairy...mmm!

I had to take double trips up the stairs...good thing thing they didn't fine me for leaving bags unattended...


















But the Brits have been nice...not in a I-want-to-take-your-money-way that I'm used to. I have quite a few stories of that... (to come, be sure). I was in the Tube (train station) with my huge 30kg luggage bag among other things pulling it down stairs with a furrow on my brow. And people actually asked if I needed help! That never happens in Asia...for someone you're not connected to to want to help you to help you without a thought about external rewards. Even if I told them that I was ok sometimes they'd be like, "No" and carry it up for me (and not run away!). Good thing I dumped a full luggage at the airport before this. I didn't realize how much 23kg was because the US is a weird country and doesn't teach standard measurement to its citizens. (fyi for fellow ignorami it's 50lbs. Anyhoo, I was 25kg over which would have cost me 6,250HKD (aka $820...waaaah!) so you could see me dumping clothes, rice, an alarm clock...everything out into the airport trash can. I felt like a little hobo... But anyhoo here are a few pics of what I've seen in London. I've been sleeping in and trying to get better every time it rains but I'm still coughing up a lung.

Statue of Prince Albert, Hyde Park


















Some parts of London remind me of HK...even more so than HK sometimes. (Go wyked wellies!)


















Camden!


















Wanchai but dirtier?


















London can be so beautiful...

Goi Gin to HK

So I leave Honkey Town tonight.

Yesterday I cried a little in the MTR. I was travelling by myself to pick up a suit and when I'm alone I always start to think.

As I was walking around Shatin doing normal things I had to keep catching myself from commenting/sharing inside jokes and memories because there weren't people to share them with. I kept thinking about events that happened or was reminded about...but couldn't say anything. I just had to think about things in a sea of same-same...but different.

The comments/jokes/reflections that were meant to be said will never be. It's painful getting cut off and knowing that you'll be cut off from people that you've been around/saw/talked about/talked with/communicated with so much. All the little things that you'd continue to share cannot be shared, and even if done so later would not
seem as significant nor shared completely. I was alone in my thoughts with memories of shared experiences. I missed what was...both inHK and being home home in both Cali and Hawaii with friends and family.

Hong Kong has changed since I came back from my travels. So many people have left and with them they took away so much of what I experienced as "Hong Kong". I don't just bump into exchange students wherever I am anymore. I miss that incessant connection to home that hits when you least expect it. And I still have good friends here. Yet I still miss everyone; even the people who I'm still cherishingHK with. It scares me how I'll do in London without any friends and family, really. I have to remember that easy will not stimulate
growth. I'm going to love London (hopefully) but starting all over...sigh.

I was looking through my papers so that I could pack. I found the packet of CU orientation materials and it was kind of hard to look at. It reminded me of getting here: the frenzy of friend-making, real communication before phones, exploring, feeling like I was in the Amazing Race. In retrospect, my experience was an amazing race. We packed in a lot of sites, adventures, and experiences but it went by so quickly.

Some unexpressed memories that I had while walking around HK. Too bad what was meant to be heard will not be. Too bad these are just less than adequate:

"I give you happy discount," digestive biscuits, walking left game, wishful nightie parading, 10,000 Buddha reminiscence, Shenzen pulling/touching/"Missy, missy!"/feeling bad for white people/not being able to find where the fake DVDS are, the disgustingness of Chinese nhaaaawk, whole wheat bakery goodness, i-house warnings, cheap dan tat, "no, la!", order-out Chinese pizza, "Hello missy. Ok," opposing taste in clothes, Candarin, Wanchai sketchiness, Ugly, Chinese mullets and haircutting experiences, monkey mountain and not being dumb, my dirty wallet, Drop, 24 jam,doot doot doot doot doot.

So I heard this song in the Shenzhen Wal-mart and it felt fitting. I never noticed the lyrics before because this song was actually the butt of a joke. But it hit home on how I'll miss all the good people that are/will be far from me in distance though not by heart. Cliche...don't judge. But it's true!

I'm a big big girl
In a big big world
It's not a big big thing if you leave me
But I do do feel that
I do do will miss you much
Miss you much...

I can see the first leaf falling
It's all yellow and nice
It's so very cold outside
Like the way I'm feeling inside

I'm a big big girl
In a big big world
It's not a big big thing if you leave me
But I do feel I will miss you much
Miss you much...

Miss you much! But don't cry for me...I'm a big girl now. However, do expect the ever-elusive update posts. They'll have pics unlike this boring post.

I wasn't planning on writing this post but I felt that I had to reflect before I left even though packing is realistically more essential during this period.

Thailand

So...sorry for you die-hard DJTHK fans (ok that's only mom and dad...when I tell them that there's an update.) for neglection of posts. But yeah... I have been meaning to update, as I've been meaning to (however unsuccessful) schedule other enriching activities and experiences into my life. This post is dedicated to my first week and a half experience outside of China (and its subsidiaries) and the U.S. when I was in Thailand. I endeavered to Bangkok about a month ago for a mini-backpacker's experience. Depressingly late, huh?

Ok, this post is in major draft form as I do not have the chance to polish it now. I intend to by May the 23rd. Plain pics, only in Bangkok. A more selective choice of pics, pensive commentary of my experience, and pictures from outside of Bangkok hopefully in due time. I am currently in Beijing trying to type softly as my friends are sleeping. We have to wake up early to wander the streets to absorb Beijing essense and see its unique people. I hate half-assing things but I needed to start this post since it'd be hard to upload pics later as I have to pay for internet and am backpacking cheap cheap. Next stop: Chengdu. Enjoy this current crap.











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